“Family life is a blessed condition that allows us all to become our best while looking our worst.”
–Marge Kennedy
Family therapy
We are wired for social connection. For most of us, our family relationships are the essence of what gives life meaning and purpose. The biological and environmental Influences of our families shape the very foundation of our identity, affecting how we think, feel and act as individuals. Our families are both figuratively and literally part of us. It is these family associations that can bring us the greatest joy and happiness but can also be the source of tremendous pain and sorrow.
While every family experiences problems and difficulties, some family systems get stuck in a spiraling pattern of resentment and conflict that, if gone unaddressed, can have long-term detrimental effects. Family therapy can change the pattern, and help improve troubled relationships between partners, children, and other family members. Indications it may be time to seek family therapy include:
- A pervasive sense of unhappiness or disconnection between family members
- Inability to communicate, collaborate or problem-solve
- Frequent arguments
- Avoidance, or a proclivity to withdrawal from conversation that impedes conflict resolution
- A pervasive lack of positive interaction (e.g., inability to share thoughts, feelings, activities; affection)
- Pervasive negative perceptions and evaluations of family members
- Intense and persistent levels of interpersonal anger and resentment
- “Unfinished business” or the failings or mistakes of family members that have not been properly accounted for or forgiven
- Verbal aggression
- Physical abuse
- Shared traumatic experience
- Grief and loss
“In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
Shawn’s approach -
In therapy, families are encouraged to review and become familiar with principles of effective listening, assertive communication, empathy, and healthy boundaries. At an individual level, members are instructed and encouraged to be emotionally mindful, introspective, to explore, recognize, and to speak clearly their individual needs, desires, and fears that inevitably underly the anger and frustration that can develop in family relationships. When individuals can see and understand themselves better they are in a position to better see and understand others. Families are brought together to practice their new skill in session and encouraged to practice their skills at home.
Families who struggle with relational problems and who stay committed to the therapeutic process are likely to experience significant improvement in communication and ability to problem solve, as well as an increase in respect, love and connection.
